


Keep It Simple

by ithilien22



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Apologies, Episode Tag, Episode: s02e01 This Guilty Blood, First Fight, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-06
Updated: 2017-01-06
Packaged: 2018-09-15 03:40:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9216998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ithilien22/pseuds/ithilien22
Summary: After his run in with Maryse, Alec doesn't go to Magnus's right away.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is a gap filler/pov shift for the malec reconciliation scene in ep. 201, so **definite spoilers, including direct dialogue!**

When the lock down is lifted, Alec immediately knows where he needs to go. Despite the way they'd left things, Magnus is still the only person who can help him find Jace, and he's willing to do whatever it takes to get Magnus back on his side again.

Unfortunately, he doesn't count on his mother spotting him leaving.

Sometimes he looks at her now, and he doesn't recognize the woman in front of him. Hearing her talk about Jace like this - _a cancer to cut out_ \- increases that feeling tenfold. He doesn't understand, Jace was always her favorite.

He wonders if she would do this to him if the situation was reversed. Or to Izzy. If Izzy's trial had ended differently, would Maryse have told him to 'forget about her' just as easily? He feels more disgusted with every word she says. When he walks away from her, he doesn't look back.

But after his run in with her, Alec can't seem to shake her venomous words, and he feels his anger growing by the second, threatening to overwhelm him. He knows he can't go to Magnus's like this, the last thing he wants to do is lash out again. He doesn't know if he can repair the damage he's done already, but he's willing to bet that showing up just to yell at Magnus some more - in his own home this time - wouldn't do him any favors.

So instead, Alec drifts.

He walks through the park as the late afternoon turns to dusk, clumsily trying to sort through his feelings. But beneath the anger there's mostly just... fear. And hopelessness. He's never been separated from Jace like this before. Not forcibly. Not for this long. He finds himself wishing Jace were hurt so that he could at least _feel_ something from him, and then immediately feels sick to his stomach at the thought. But this emptiness, this _lack_... it's worse somehow.

_Where is Jace?_

That line of thought eventually just circles Alec right back to the person he knows could help him answer that question: Magnus. He guesses that the only positive scenario to asking for Magnus's help for a third time today starts with an apology for the first two, but Alec's never been very good at apologies. Mostly he just waits Jace and Izzy out, because neither of his siblings are the type to hold a grudge for long (and Alec can't remember a time that Max has ever been angry with him). As for his parents, he mostly just tries to be a better son - a better soldier - the next time around. Actions speak louder than words anyway, right?

Except Magnus seems like someone who appreciates words.

"I'm sorry," Alec says aloud into the empty air around him, testing the words on his tongue. "I... took out my frustration on you and that wasn't right."

Alec shakes his head, grimacing slightly. That's not it, not exactly. He _is_ frustrated, of course, but it's more than that. Alec hears his own words echo back to him - 'after everything I've done for you!' - and his grimace hardens.

"You were right," he tries again. "You were right about the wedding, that wasn't about you. I mean- it wasn't _not_ about you. That's not what I-"

Alec cuts himself off, running a frustrated hand through his hair and messing it more than usual. He takes a deep breath.

"I'm sorry. You were right," he repeats, because both of those sentences feel good, at least. "With Jace gone it's sort of like I can't breathe, but I-"

Alec realizes he's pacing along the park path now, his jerky movements carrying him back and forth in uneven lines across the grass.

"I'm sorry," he murmurs again, looking up to the sky as if for help. "I'm sorry. You were right."

He keeps pacing.

It's hours before he actually makes it to Magnus's loft, and Alec doesn't feel anymore prepared than he had when he left the institute earlier in the day. He does feel a bit calmer though, and he supposes that's something at least.

He doesn't find Magnus right away when he enters the loft, but he knows his presence is noticed and that he's not entirely unwelcome, because the wards had fallen away as he neared them. Eventually he spots Magnus training out on his balcony. He takes a deep breath.

' _I'm sorry. You were right.'_

His practiced phrases stick in his throat.

"Magnus," he says after a beat. "I'm not good at apologies but I'm- I'm sorry."

Magnus doesn't even pause in his movements, but after a moment, his voice floats back, "Continue."

Alec's mind blanks. He suddenly can't remember any of the other phases he practiced.

"I'm," Alec swallows, " _really_ sorry."

Magnus's back is to Alec still, but he swears he can still feel Magnus roll his eyes at Alec's lack of eloquence.

"For?" Magnus prompts, none too gently.

Alec sighs. When he pictured this conversation, he wasn't having it with Magnus's back. His sweaty, well-toned back at that. It's distracting. He can't think clearly.

"Look can you just cut that out for a second?" he blurts out, a little impatiently.

He ducks to the side as the ball of magic Magnus had been practicing with jolts past his head and smacks into a lamp on the far side of the room.

Okay, he thinks. Probably deserved that.

"You were right," Alec says, his words finally returning, but unfortunately bringing a hint of his still simmering anger back up to the surface with them. "When I called off my wedding, that was for me. But this is all just. It's very new."

Magnus whirls around, finally looking at Alec for the first time since he arrived. His eyes flash dangerously.

"This may surprise you," he snaps, "but you're new for me too."

Alec looks away from the hurt he sees in Magnus's eyes, some of his anger slipping down into more of a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. He suddenly questions whether he's ever really stopped to consider Magnus's feelings in all of this. Had he been too caught up in his own tangle of emotions?

"Look," he tries again, desperate to make Magnus understand, "with Jace missing it's just like- the ground has shifted and, and I can't keep my bal-"

He cuts off as Magnus tries to brush past him, instinctively reaching out to stop him. He sees Magnus react to his touch, but he doesn't pull back. Alec takes that as a good sign, and slowly reaches down to gently grasp Magnus's hand.

"I didn't mean to take it out on you," he says. Then, for good measure, "I'm sorry."

Magnus seems to consider him for a moment.

"You're forgiven," he says softly, and something loosens in Alec's chest.

"Also?" Magnus adds, a little more playfully, reaching up to smooth the collar of Alec's jacket. "You're great at apologies."

Alec flushes at the praise, turning away from Magnus as he feels his cheeks redden with a strange mix of pride and embarrassment.

"Thanks," he says, a little ruefully. His mind drifts back to the hours he spent in the park. "I've been working on it."

Magnus gives him a moment, before moving to join him again.

"Here's the thing," he says, seeming to choose his words carefully, "we're always going to face challenges. So when things get crazy, don't push me away."

Alec wants to tell him about the park, about what his mother had said, about how lost he still feels. But it's true what he said before - it's all too new.

So he simply nods, glad for the moment that he hasn't ruined things before they've even begun.

"If you really believe that this is the only way to find Jace, I'll help you," Magnus tells him. The relief Alec feels is palpable.

"Magnus, I-" Alec starts and then falters again. He realizes he never practiced a scenario where Magnus actually forgave him. Eventually, he settles for saying, "Thank you."

But those two small words don't feel even remotely big enough to convey the amount of gratitude Alec feels. At least some of it must still come through though, because the smile Magnus gives him in return is softer than Alec has seen all day.

Maybe sometimes small words can be enough, he thinks. As long as they're the right ones.

_I'm sorry._

_You were right._

_Thank you._

**Author's Note:**

> fyi, i have a [new tumblr](https://ithilien-writes.tumblr.com/)! sorry if you've been wondering where i disappeared to!! <3


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